You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
