I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
