i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
