Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
