My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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