Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
