Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
false alarm, still single
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