if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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