someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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