it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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