He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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