My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
