She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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