Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
