so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
This baby is an asshole
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
