Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
