yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
you will always have a special place in my vag
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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