It was confusing and full of hummus
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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