I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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