I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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