the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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