It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
