I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
