shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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