When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
