I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
