dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
