so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
