This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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