when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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