This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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