i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Randomize
