know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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