Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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