feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
