Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
