Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
