Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
