Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
