clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
