found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
