5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Drunk is not a location!
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
