the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Randomize
