I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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