the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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