How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
