This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
you traded sex for a burrito?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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