Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
