just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
