he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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