Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Randomize
