did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
