Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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